Tiger parenting presents problems, possibilities
You turn the key in the ignition, put the pedal to the floor. Your car jerks into motion and you promptly set a course for your house. You run red lights, dodge cyclists, and within minutes you’re outside your mailbox. You pull open the little gate and reach inside. Nothing. Head hung low, you trudge into your house. A woman’s voice echoes from the kitchen.
“Honey,” She says, sounding none-too-pleased, “We need to talk.”
You walk into the kitchen. Your mother is frowning, holding a piece of paper in her hand. It’s your report card.
“A ‘B’ in English?” She shrieks, “We [1]pay $40 an hour for tutoring! You’re grounded!”
You nod numbly, mumbling apologies and excuses through gritted teeth. Eventually your mother’s tirade ends, and you trudge off to your room, defeated.
This scenario is an unfortunate reality for students around the country, but almost expected in Davis, where a large population of educated, successful parents push their children to avoid what DHS english teacher John Oster calls “the Davis F.”
These parents, called “Tiger Parents,” practice a style of parenting in which grades, sports, and music come before virtually any social interaction.
Self-proclaimed tiger parent Amy Chua’s memoir “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” was released earlier this year and quickly reached the bestseller list. The book attracted significant amounts of criticism from parents due to Chua’s drastic parenting methods, which include bans on TV, play dates, and sleepovers. Luckily, most tiger parents aren’t like that.
“My parents aren’t ever like [Chua],” sophomore Rami Rashmawi said, “They push me hard, but they don’t deny me basic freedoms.”
Many of the tiger parents’ “cubs” are rarely punished, but agree that parental pressure, as well as their parents’ “disappointment” when they fail to meet their goals, brings undue amounts of stress.
“Once in a while I won’t be able to sleep ‘cause I’m so stressed out. I barely have time for anything anymore, with sports and school and homework,” sophomore Logan Davis said.
Davis, who juggles three sports along with a full schedule including two honors classes, says he resents the pressure his parents put on him.
“I’ve been told a B+ is awful,” Davis said. “I don’t enjoy the fact that I have to succeed or disappoint.”
Other students, like Rashmawi, welcome the pressure, believing it’s what’s best for them.
“I think they’re just looking out for my best interests. If they didn’t push me, I’d probably get lazy and work at McDonald’s or something,” Rashmawi said.
Rashmawi admits that the stress used to get to him, but now he hardly feels any.
“It’s like how you feel when you’re in pain. You notice it for a while, but eventually start to ignore it, to get used to it. I only get stressed when I’m rushed nowadays,” Rashmawi said.
Rashmawi is rushed more often than he admits. He takes two Advanced Placement classes, two honors classes, plays saxophone in the school band, plays for the JV soccer team, and serves on the sophomore senate. He gets home every day and allows himself half an hour to “veg out” before he rushes off to a tutor, the subject varying by the day. When he gets home, he works on homework until the late evening. He only stops to eat dinner.
“Its worse during soccer season,” Rashmawi said, “I usually do homework until 10 at night, sometimes later.”
Parents, like Davis’s mother Lori, say they pressure their children to succeed because they care about them.
“We do it because we love them and want them to bring honor to our family, and mostly because we want them to be successful,” Lori said.
Lori says she and her husband Jim withhold sports as punishment. If Davis gets a C or lower, he can “kiss sports goodbye.”
Head counselor Courtenay Tessler says many students come to her to discuss their parents’ sometimes lofty expectations. She disagrees with the methods of tiger parents, as she believes teens must be given the freedom and independence to make their own choices and decisions.
“The parents I respect are the parents that understand the student needs to navigate their own life,” Tessler said. For example, she notes that “Every student that’s gone to Stanford, I’ve never met their parents.”
Some students would disagree with Tessler, such as junior Songhao Li, who agrees with his parents’ methods despite the stress it causes him.
“They make me put a lot of effort into my work and do extra stuff. It’s not really too bad because it’ll be quite helpful in the future, no matter how hard and stressful it may seem now,” Li said.
For most, the pressure ends after high school. For some, however, parents will continue to guide them throughout college. UC Davis junior Isabelle Giap still has her father’s hand on her shoulder today.
“They kept me working all the time in high school, now it’s more of pushing me to be super skinny, to go to medical school, to run marathons with them… y’know, that sort of stuff,” Giap said.
Giap, whose parents are both doctors, has accepted the pressure and realizes she has already seen the results. “I probably wouldn’t be pre-med at UCD if [my parents] hadn’t pushed me. They just want what’s best for me.”
