Ju-A Son: Optimism Overcomes
Junior Ju-A Son gets home from soccer practice, tosses her bag aside, and immediately logs into her Skype account to catch her Skype date with her dad. The two try to video chat at least once a week.
He moved when Son was in the fourth grade. “My parents didn’t tell me, to protect my feelings. I thought he was going on a trip. My brother told me, and then it started to hit me,” Son said.
Six years ago, Son’s father moved to Korea to better financially support his family in Davis. He switched from his job as a professor at UC Davis to a higher-paying position at a university in Chan-Ahn, South Korea.
Although Son is comfortable with the situation now, “I went through a period where I was really upset and angry with my family,” Son recalls. What saddened her was feeling like her family “wasn’t normal.” Since then, she has changed her opinion.
Son said she grew very close to her mother because “she’s the only one that’s physically there.” One aspect of this relationship is that it’s difficult to fight, because if the two aren’t on speaking terms, they have no one else to turn to. One of them has to forgive and forget or else spend the day in silence.
Son and her dad speak over Skype, chat online, or talk on the phone often. At home, Son and her mother even have a special “Korean phone” designed to be a direct line between Davis and Korea. “I know my mom and dad talk every day,” Son said. “It’s really hard for them to be separated.”
Son’s father comes to Davis three or four times a year, always for less than a week. In spite of this, Son believes her relationship with her father may have improved though this separation. “It brings us closer because we make much more effort [in the relationship],” Son said.
Kristin Lagattuta, professor of psychology at UCD, says the healthiest way to cope with this situation is to “recognize the sacrifice that your parents made to give you opportunities, become involved in your school, and find ways to keep family relationships strong.”
Son has not only become involved in school, but in her town. She holds down a job, does well in school, plays on various soccer teams and plays flute in the band at Davis High.
Son’s friend, junior Lauren Robison, noted an important aspect of Son’s situation that she believes will help Son grow as a person. “The situation she is living with will help her develop strong positive relationships,” Robison said. “In the future, I think she will work that much harder to strengthen her friendships.”
Son says that both she and her brother appreciate having parents who would sacrifice so much for them. “They always say that they’re regretful, that they’re so sorry,” Son said. “I’m proud that my parents would move apart] for our family.”
Son’s close friend, Sabrina Williams, admires Son for her positive outlook. “Knowing how tough and optimistic Ju-A is I really doubt she dwells on it,” Williams said. “She’s the type that when she might get really sad she just looks forward to the next time she sees him.”
Son’s brother, who told her the truth about her father’s departure, is now a junior at the Military Academy at West Point.
Son thinks her father’s move was hardest on her brother. She remembers that her brother couldn’t afford to be irresponsible or carefree after his father left; he had to grow up fast and become the man of the house when he was in the eighth grade.
Few of Son’s friends were present for the entire course of this change. However, Amie Baek, sophomore at DHS, has been a close family friend of the Sons since she was three years old.
When Son was younger, she had few troubles, always “livin’ in the now,” Baek said. “She’s planning for the future now. She works really hard all the time.”
Son’s family often discusses what will happen after she graduates from Davis High. Son’s mother will move to Korea to reunite with Son’s father, but she has not yet decided when.
Son wants to attend college in the U.S., and as much as her mother wants to return to her husband, she worries about leaving her daughter alone and so far away during her college years. Son doesn’t like the prospect of being alone, but her desire for her parents’ reunion is stronger than her fear.
Son’s doesn’t like that her father has to do everything for himself. “Parents are supposed to be kind of a team,” Son said, “And it’s hard for them [to do this] because they’re separated.”
According to Robison and Baek, what remains unchanged are Son’s and her father’s similar personalities. Baek and Robison say that the two are easygoing, generous, love to laugh, and constantly joke around. As Baek said, “She is her father’s daughter.”
